The Anti-Smeg Alliance
| Properties |
|---|
| Tribe name: | The Anti-Smeg Alliance |
| Tag: | SMEG |
| Number of members: | 20 |
| Points of the best 20 players | 46.515 |
| Total points: | 46.515 |
| Average points: | 2.326 |
| Rank: | 70 |
| Preferred languages: |
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| Opponents defeated: |
32.087 (156.)
|
| » Tribal file (external link) |
Tribe members
| Name |
Rank |
Points |
Global Rank |
Villages |
jamesyp91
|
1 |
4,974 |
943 |
3 |
rasione
|
2 |
4,546 |
996 |
2 |
|
TransmitCop
|
3 |
4,530 |
1000 |
2 |
|
Raoulen
|
4 |
2,945 |
1273 |
1 |
Atthapongna
|
5 |
2,803 |
1316 |
1 |
|
narlobarlo
|
6 |
2,571 |
1388 |
1 |
|
Streetmane
|
7 |
2,510 |
1406 |
1 |
|
jordyjoyce
|
8 |
2,496 |
1411 |
1 |
|
black owl
|
9 |
2,487 |
1413 |
1 |
|
L1oydo
|
10 |
2,326 |
1465 |
1 |
Miloss
|
11 |
2,231 |
1515 |
1 |
|
LordSmagma
|
12 |
2,113 |
1574 |
1 |
|
Deathsteak
|
13 |
2,050 |
1605 |
1 |
|
Bossie9850
|
14 |
1,567 |
1874 |
1 |
|
Sneaky Jesus
|
15 |
1,276 |
2096 |
1 |
|
Bakota1993
|
16 |
1,269 |
2105 |
1 |
Vissow
|
17 |
1,211 |
2147 |
1 |
|
temme28
|
18 |
904 |
2485 |
1 |
deutz-fahr
|
19 |
865 |
2527 |
1 |
|
filphillip
|
20 |
841 |
2562 |
1 |
|
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| Description |
|---|
The mind-probe was created to detect guilt, yet in the case of Arnold Judas Rimmer the guilt it detected attaches to no crime. He held a position of little or no authority on Red Dwarf. He was a lowly grease-monkey, a nothing, a piece of sputum floating in the toilet bowl of life.
Yet he could never come to terms with a lifetime of under-achievement. His absurdly inflated ego would never permit it. He's like the security guard on the front gate who considers himself head of the corporation. So, when the crew were wiped out by a nuclear accident, Arnold Rimmer accepted the blame: it was his ship, ergo his fault. I ask the court: look at this man. This man who sat and failed his astronavigation exam on no less than thirteen occasions. This sad man, this pathetic man, this joke of a man...
RIMMER: (Discreetly) You're going over the top. The computer will never buy it.
Trust me, sir. My whole case hinges on proving you're a dork.
RIMMER: (Reluctantly) Understood.
(Aloud) I call my first witness.
Name?
LISTER: Dave Lister.
Occupation?
LISTER: (Thinks about it. Shrugs.) Bum.
Would you desribe the accused as a friend?
CAT: (Calls) Take the Fifth!
Answer the question, please. Remember, you're under polygraphic surveillance. Would you describe the accused as a friend?
LISTER: No, I would describe the accused as a git.
Who would you say, then, is the person who thinks of him most
fondly?
LISTER: (Thinks about it, and answers truthfully) Me.
And there are no others who've shared moments of intimacy with him?
LISTER: Only one. But she's got a puncture.
RIMMER: Objection.
JUSTICE: Overruled.
So you wouldn't describe him as a man with a good social life?
LISTER: He partied less than Rudolf Hess. He was totally dedicated to his career. He was in charge of Z shift, and it occupied his every waking moment. And what was Z shif's most important duty?
LISTER: Well, we had lots of duties around the ship, but I suppose our most vital responsibility was making sure the vending machines didn't run out of fun-size Munchie Bars.
Can you envisage a situation where the lack of honeycomb-centered chocolate bars might be the direct cause of a lethal radiation leak?
LISTER: Not off the top of my head, no.
(Turns) I ask the court one key question: would the Space Corps have allowed this man (Poits at RIMMER) ever to be in a position where he might endanger the ship? A man so petty and small-minded he would while away his evenings sewing name labels on to his ship-issue condoms? A man of such awsome stupidity...
RIMMER: Objection.
JUSTICE: Objection overruled.
A man of such awsome stupidity, he even objects to his own defence counsel. An over-zealous, trumped up little squirt...
RIMMER: Objection.
JUSTICE: Overruled.
An incompetent vending-machine repairman with a Napoleon complex, who commanded as much respect and affection from his fellow crew members as Long John Silver's parrot...
RIMMER: Objection.
JUSTICE: If you object to your own counsel once more, Mr Rimmer, you'll be in contempt.
Who would put this man, this joke of a man, a man who couldn't outwit a used tea bag, in a position of authority where he could wipe out an entire crew? Who? Only a yoghurt. This man is not guilty of manslaughter. He's only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime. It is also his punishment. Defence rests. |
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